Totured Tangled Hearts
by RebelByrdie
Summary: Love can be as painful as it is pleasurable, and when three people are involved, someone is always hurting. Three perspectives on love and betrayl in Sin City. Warning: ff and mf relationships implied. GSR and SS Pairings.
1. Part I: Role Reversal

Tortured Tangled Hearts

A Trio of CSI Drabbles

By RebelByrdie

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters, premises of or anything to do with the television show, CSI. I make no financial gain from the production of this twisted tale. All recognizable material is the property of the creators and the television networks who hold the contract rights there of. All "original" characters are fictional and any similarities to existing or deceased (or other fictional) persons is completely coincidental and no harm or offence is intended.

**Rated T for Teen:** Mature Themes

**Warning: **The following tale deals with a loving relationship, of sorts, between two persons of the same gender. Big scary femslash ahead, folks. If this sort of thing, for whatever reason, upsets you, I highly suggest you find another source of amusement.

Sara/Sofia pairing (No shocker there)

And

GSR (In my defense, it is angsty unhappy GSR)

**Author's Note: **My Muse and I are having difficulties. I want to finish my big projects and she's intent on writing angst-filled one-shot drabble-ish deals. There was a lot of screaming and door slamming, false starts, really bad plot ideas and a mouse thrown out the window before I caved in and wrote this.

I am trying to finish my bigger projects, though my dreams of finishing _Gods of Vegas_ before the Season 7 premiere are down the tubes…

The title, _Tortured Tangled Hearts_, is taken from the Dixie Chicks song that bares the same name. The fic was not inspired by the song, but the title seemed to fit, so I used it. So, to keep things clear, I don't own CSI, that belongs to a bunch of rich middle-aged white guys, the title of this fic, which belongs to three rich white women, or…anything, really.

**Feedback: **I would love to hear feedback on my Grissom here. I don't write him enough and every time I try, it feels like I miss him by a mile. I really really really want to hear some thoughts about my "less then saintly" Sara and Sofia.

Finally, big thanks, as always, to my beta reader, HoneyLynx86.

**Role Reversal**

Catherine once told me that I was too good for Hank. I wonder what she would say now?

Somewhere along the way I went from utterly alone to being pulled in two very different directions. I'm torn between _Him _and _Her._

He's always been there, stoic and steady. When I'm in his arms I feel safe. There's nothing that can hurt me there. We talk for hours about everything and nothing. Life, death, religion, and science: he understands me.

He treats me like a lady. Dinners, hotel suites full of flowers and champagne. Tender touches and sweet words. He is a scientist with the soul of a poet.

I had wanted him for so long that when I finally got him, it was utter perfection. I'd never been so happy in my life.

Then _She _happened. It was late and we were alone on a scene. One thing led to another and I found myself with my back against a wall being kissed senseless. That's nothing, though. She didn't know about Him. She was and still is innocent. I'm the guilty one. I kissed her back.

She's so passionate. When I'm with her, I feel almost unbearably alive. It's a rush, when she touches me, I'm suddenly all-powerful; I can do anything.

She sees beneath the scientist in me, she sees the woman. She doesn't treat me like a fragile piece of glass, though. She inspires a passion in me that I never knew I could have and she knows it. She just strutted right into my world and turned it upside down, smirking the entire time, and I loved every minute of it.

I love them both. I used to wonder if it was in me to love at all, now I'm trying to figure out how I fell in love with two people at the same time. I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't keep this up for long, living two lives. Some day, some day soon, one of them will figure it out. When that happens, I don't know what I'll do.

I do know this, though, I can't choose between them. I'm going to keep this charade up as long as I can. I love them, Gil and Sofia, with all that I am, and I can't and won't let either of them go.

I don't need Catherine to tell me that I'm not good enough for either of them. I've known that since day one.


	2. Part II: Loving the Lie

**Loving the Lie**

I've never been the other woman before. I'm braking promises to myself, lying to the woman I love and betraying a good friend. Those sins are all forgivable. The fact that I don't feel guilty is not.

She thinks I'm innocent, that I don't know that I am her mistress. I've known the whole time. Even before I made my first move, I knew, yet I forged ahead anyway. I was the one who kissed her first, who pulled her close, who tempted her to stray. I couldn't help myself, though, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Does that make me a bad person? Yes. Am I going to Hell? Probably. Do I care? No.

I can't regret the decision that brought Sara to my arms and my bed. She has passion, and with me she is unfettered and unbound. She lets everything go. I love watching her deep brown eyes light up when she's with me. I love to see her smile widen when I walk into the room. I love her.

At first it was lust, lust at first sight. She's gorgeous, legs that go for days, dark chocolate eyes that you can get lost in, silky dark hair. She's all wrapped up in a firm and well-kept package. There's more, though, beyond her looks. She has dedication and a fierce need to see justice done. That's all most people see, a brooding brunette who works too much.

I get to see the real Sara. The Sara that sings in the shower, the Sara that drives too fast, the Sara that is a closet Trekie, the Sara that has a soft spot for animals. The real Sara, my Sara…his Sara.

I love her, and I know that on some level, she loves me too. To everyone else at the Lab and the PD, we are friends. Good friends who work well together. We will smile, make witty remarks and occasionally, we touch. Brief little touches that mean everything to us and nothing to everyone else. It's a lie.

I am living a lie. I'm her friend, her coworker and secret lover. It feels like I'm living a lie. The truth, that Sara is head-over-heels in love with Gilbert Grissom, is too much to bear.

All things considered, I love the lie.


	3. Part III: Cuckolded

**Cuckolded**

I was always worried that I wouldn't be enough for her. As it turns out I was right. She turned to another woman for something. Something I couldn't give her, something I lacked. I finally figured it out, just in time to have my heart broken.

It hurts, it hurts so badly I want to cry, but I won't. What was it that Catherine said once? Third degree burns, that's what I have. My heart is charred and blistered beyond repair or rescue.

Yet, there is a little voice somewhere that whispers to me. It reminds me of how I left Sara to her own sorrow so many times. It reminds me that I have hurt her too. Do I deserve this? Do I deserve this pain? I thought that she loved me. I love her, deeply and truly. Not completely, though. I can admit that. There are some parts of myself that I hold away from her. I hold those back because I cannot give her what is not mine. Some betrayals are blatant and physical, like Sara running her fingers through her lover's blonde tresses while they're lost in their own little world of heightened pulses and mingled mouths. Others are more secret, more cerebral, like looking for green eyes when I know my lover's are brown.

How long will I stand by and share the woman I love with another? What can I do? Demand that she stop seeing Sofia? If I make an ultimatum, I risk losing her forever. I know that losing her is something I won't be able to handle.

I am being cuckolded, and yet I love her too much to leave her. For every second of pain I experience when I know she is with Sofia, there is a moment of heavenly bliss when she is with me and I won't give that happiness up, not without a fight.

Author's Note: Now I have to go and wash off all the icky GSR cooties.


End file.
